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I am a thinking and feeling man in search of my next relationship. I’m the most positive person most of my friends have ever met. Sorry.” But I was too accommodating perhaps, and denying that she was giving me all the signs she was not ready at all for a date.

I’m not clear on what exactly that means, and I am clear that I don’t know. When it’s too easy to move the date, you might be looking at someone who’s desperate.

If she’s reset three times, and within an hour of our meeting … I listened to them talk about how great their kids were. So if I go in for the arm brush too early, be aware that I’m feeling you out for your touchy-feely level. Sure, I am illustrating a point, but I’m trying to sense out your touchy-feely scale. Or does touch/hugging/kissing/sex come with deeper reservations? And when I touch you, it IS casual, but I am looking for clues to how you will react later on.

Why do I think she’s going to be a different person in actual relationship. I even listened to their funny online dating stories. Almost as a technique to satisfy my marriage, a counseling recommendation, “Just listen. And if I’m too touchy, I might be showing my own emptiness or hunger. I’m not doing it in a creepy or manipulative way, but you need to know I’m doing it. My pools of reflection were deep, and I thought I was showing my deep feeling.

And dating and relationship building are things we last thought about in our twenties. And our expectations and what we will and will not tolerate have changed quite a bit as well.

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When you see a joyful person do you gravitate towards them?

But I have figured out some things along the way that are measures of my readiness—or any man’s readiness—for his next intimate relationship. Even though she was resetting and I was being accommodating, I was ignoring my own over-accommodating tendencies. THREE: He’s too eager to listen.“Women really want you to listen.” It’s advice you’re going to get from both men and women when you start dating again. Listening is something we’ve become less and less adept at over the years, and with the increasing pace of life and technological interruptions.

Here are five signs I’ve identified that the man you are looking at is more of a fractured soul than he is letting on. And I realize, just as I’m writing this, that she’s a disaster waiting to happen. So slowing down and paying attention to what the other person is saying, IS important. When the listening is too animated, too connected, you need to gauge whether someone is being attentive for their own needs or as a strategy. I listened to women complain about their marriages. (We’re talking first dates here, so either way it’s OK, but it’s giving me a lot of information.) Do you touch me back? I can tell a lot from a first intentional touch on your shoulder.

When I am clear, I can make rational and appropriate decisions. Or a single whole relationship, that’s my ultimate goal, one relationship.

When the chemistry is ON but the warning signs are also shining bright, I can walk away from the temptation. But I’ve got a long way to go before settling down.

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